This is the fifth in a series of articles. For a PDF file of the first five articles, click here.

Nothing can prepare one for the experience of becoming a monk. I had been intending to become a monk for twelve years, living at the Portland Priory for most of that time, and training as diligently as I could as a lay person. How different could being a monk really be? On the external level of things, not so different, really. But on another level, it is “a whole new ball game,” as the saying goes.

When we say yes! to some major step in training, it is as though we are giving our permission to the Eternal to get out a new set of tools and go to work on us. During my novice years, I often had the mental image that I was a square peg being driven through a round hole. In order to get through a hole, a peg naturally must have some material shaved off its sharp edges. In training as a novice monk, the process whittles away at the egocentric self. This is at the least disconcerting, often confusing, and sometimes quite painful. It feels at times as though you are being taken apart piece by piece, and one can even question one’s own sanity. Faith and trust are what carries us through these difficulties, along with help from our spiritual teachers and friends.

When I think of my life prior to finding Buddhism, the greatest source of distress to me was the feeling of wandering aimlessly, of not knowing my purpose in life. Having some idea of one’s purpose in life changes everything. As Rev. Master Jiyu said in the Wild White Goose, “I must take everything that happens as for my good.” With this attitude, there are no meaningless experiences, nothing is wasted, everything can teach us something. This is especially important to remember when confusion and pain arise. Something inside of us recognizes the deep, true value of treading the Path and of not counting the cost.

One evening, as I was getting ready for bed, I was tired and feeling a bit low. I had the thought, “Am I ever going to get anywhere?” After a pause to consider this, I said to myself, “Well, I'm just going to keep going.” Later that night, lying in bed in that state between sleep and waking, I had a vision. I saw a Buddha sitting in meditation. Suddenly, the hara of the Buddha opened and out streamed a golden light followed by a kaleidoscope of color radiating in all directions. At the same time, the words came to me, “To bow is the wish of all beings.”

There followed a period in which it felt as though meditation was doing me, rather than the other way around. It was my job to not willfully allow anything to disturb this state. I was filled with gratitude towards everyone and everything.

NEWS OF THE TEMPLES